At the risk of being called just another "bitter, lonely, black woman" here goes something:
Over the last two years I've seen a slew of marriages, engagements, boo'd uppings, and happily unmarried shacking baby mamas and fajas [that was an Austin Powers: Goldmember reference]. When you're apart of an organization of thousands of women, or have a great deal of female friends, this type of thing comes with the territory as the 20's progress. I feel that we, by design, should be happy for our romantically successful sisters. What do I mean by 'design'? Well--it's my belief that whatever God(s) you subscribe to created us to be a family, and when something good happens to your family members, what do you do? You celebrate. If you're an atheist, well, evolution 'designed'(ha) us to want for the success of all humans. I got a C in science so I'm gonna leave that subject alone.
It's a beautiful thing to love and be loved...but what about the rest of us? What about those of us who turn over in our beds only to find that space empty? What about those of us bombarded with the "I love my hubby/boo/babydaddy" tweets, tags, etc? What about those of us who find comfort in Scripture and not the arms of a flesh and blood mate?
Can I have a moment to be completely human with you? Sometimes you want to be wrapped up in the arms of a man, and not in the Word. Sometimes the smell of a man is more attractive than that of the pages of a book. Gods make for strange bedfellows, don't you think? Blasphemy? I don't know. But God said, "it's not good for (WO)man to be alone. So what about us?
A suggestion of mine would be to be patient. Try your best to be patient. I know what you're thinking "F**k you, Lena. We've been told that before." You've been told to 'focus on you' etc. How does that help when so many others are in love around you and you go home by yourself? Perhaps that doesn't help at all. But, still, maybe you should try reminding yourself that it makes no sense to covet their happiness. Go out and seek your own. Being a bachelorette has taught me that other peoples happiness is just that. What the hell is Lena going to do with Boomquisha's happiness? Nothing.
Bachelorette life has held up an interesting mirror in front of me. Apparently it is NOT my life long ambition to be somebody's wife/mother. Yes, someday I want these things, but that is not what my heart is centered on. Being a wife and mother probably rocks super hard...but so does coming and going as you please. So does creating a life for you and just you while you have the opportunity. Goddess willing, when I do become a wife and mother and folk ask me what the hell I did before, I'll tell them that I: traveled around the Earth, chatted with holy men, walked up mountains, kissed a dude for every country in Scandanavia (the Norwegian was the best), marched for the Jena 6 and Trayvon, got a Master's and my dream job etc. That's a taste of what my happiness looks like--and I don't want yours. You looked beautiful in your wedding dress, but it's your wedding dress. Your child is beautiful, but that's your child. What's for me is for me.
Ask yourself, what does your happiness look like in the now? If it looks like a person other than the one in the mirror, perhaps you should reevaluate some things my fellow Bachelorettes.
The point of this starts at 1:30 seconds
I like this post. This is where I've been in life for the past two years. Being preoccupied with other people's happiness keeps us from our own.
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing wrong with being single. I'm definitely enjoying this time. Also...I write myself love letters as well as a lot of other self loving activities (happy masturbation month!) It's a good time to learn about who I am and take care of myself. Ok, I'm rambling. Great post!