About a year ago, I was having a conversation with my Sister about--you guessed it--men and our relationship to them as women. For the record and out of respect for feminists/womanists, I won't address myself as such in this blog, or anymore going forward until I become wiser. I am, however, a believer that men and women should be treated equally within both the social and private sectors. Now if I'm honest with myself, I'll admit that my form of thinking can be a little more extreme and naive when compared to that of my sisters. In some respects, you could say that my opinions were (and sometimes still are) heavily influenced by Marion Zimmer Bradley's The Mists of Avalon in which the women were the central focus and wielders of power. That's unreal in this day and age, hell, it's been unreal for a very, very long time--I digress.
I am not a feminist. Let's just say that there's "fire in my womb." Anyway, somewhere in the conversation, my sister asked me: Lena would you put out the fire in your womb if you met the 'right guy'? I'm still not really sure what that means, but maybe she's asking if I would give up my Goddess Right mentality? Would I submit? Would I follow tradition and protocol? I'll confess that I still ponder her question even now. I'm not the most "lady-like" woman you'll ever meet. I'd sooner spit on the ground than whip my hair. I like doing my share of stuff (like spitting and swearing) that's usually only considered socially acceptable if a dude does it. Why? Because I don't see why females can't or shouldn't--I take crap from females because of it, and that always puzzles me. *shrugs* I find it very liberating to be fiery and tough, to fight for the things I want, to protect and provide, to be in control, and to HULK SMASH obstacles. But, stereotypically speaking, that's a man's 'role'.
Stereotypically speaking, my "role" is to be emotional, nurturing/caregiving, sweet, supporting and like water. But, instead of water in my womb, I've been told there's too much fire. Would I give it up?
If I met someone that had the qualities that I want in a mate would I cease with the spittin' and swearin'? Would I allow myself to be protected rather than the protector(ess)? Would I want to accept his last name? Would I tap into the feminine power to give him what he needs from his woman?
Any fool would say 'yes.' And yet, I hesitate.
To be continued...
You hesitate because that would mean you have to stop being you. I hope one of the most important qualities of your future mate is to accept you for who you are. He then should not WANT you to change for him.
ReplyDeleteThis is not a movie and you don't have to play a role. This is life and you were typecast at birth to play you. Find someone who was typecast to play your mate. and knows it.
Why are we so resistant to growth and change. She wouldn't have to stop being herself to take on a role that emphasizes characteristics that have been traditionally associated with women. One of the biggest problems that we have in America today is our obsession with the avante garde. Stereotypes are superficial exaggerations of truth. Just because people wield with little thought or use the to be oppressive does not make the truth that these stereotypes represent "bad." It just makes them misused.
DeleteIf anything she hesitates because the real pressure in society is not for her to be a stereotype; it's for her to shun everything that looks like the stereotype, which is just as insincere and destructive.