I worship the God of my heart's deepest secrets.
I offer Him/Her the truth that I am weak, and in need
of His/Her grace.
Would (s)He postone the making of new worlds in order
to console me? Of course (s)He would--so I ask, please, stay
with me.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Act Like A Lady: The Problem of A Fiery Womb
About a year ago, I was having a conversation with my Sister about--you guessed it--men and our relationship to them as women. For the record and out of respect for feminists/womanists, I won't address myself as such in this blog, or anymore going forward until I become wiser. I am, however, a believer that men and women should be treated equally within both the social and private sectors. Now if I'm honest with myself, I'll admit that my form of thinking can be a little more extreme and naive when compared to that of my sisters. In some respects, you could say that my opinions were (and sometimes still are) heavily influenced by Marion Zimmer Bradley's The Mists of Avalon in which the women were the central focus and wielders of power. That's unreal in this day and age, hell, it's been unreal for a very, very long time--I digress.
I am not a feminist. Let's just say that there's "fire in my womb." Anyway, somewhere in the conversation, my sister asked me: Lena would you put out the fire in your womb if you met the 'right guy'? I'm still not really sure what that means, but maybe she's asking if I would give up my Goddess Right mentality? Would I submit? Would I follow tradition and protocol? I'll confess that I still ponder her question even now. I'm not the most "lady-like" woman you'll ever meet. I'd sooner spit on the ground than whip my hair. I like doing my share of stuff (like spitting and swearing) that's usually only considered socially acceptable if a dude does it. Why? Because I don't see why females can't or shouldn't--I take crap from females because of it, and that always puzzles me. *shrugs* I find it very liberating to be fiery and tough, to fight for the things I want, to protect and provide, to be in control, and to HULK SMASH obstacles. But, stereotypically speaking, that's a man's 'role'.
Stereotypically speaking, my "role" is to be emotional, nurturing/caregiving, sweet, supporting and like water. But, instead of water in my womb, I've been told there's too much fire. Would I give it up?
If I met someone that had the qualities that I want in a mate would I cease with the spittin' and swearin'? Would I allow myself to be protected rather than the protector(ess)? Would I want to accept his last name? Would I tap into the feminine power to give him what he needs from his woman?
Any fool would say 'yes.' And yet, I hesitate.
To be continued...
I am not a feminist. Let's just say that there's "fire in my womb." Anyway, somewhere in the conversation, my sister asked me: Lena would you put out the fire in your womb if you met the 'right guy'? I'm still not really sure what that means, but maybe she's asking if I would give up my Goddess Right mentality? Would I submit? Would I follow tradition and protocol? I'll confess that I still ponder her question even now. I'm not the most "lady-like" woman you'll ever meet. I'd sooner spit on the ground than whip my hair. I like doing my share of stuff (like spitting and swearing) that's usually only considered socially acceptable if a dude does it. Why? Because I don't see why females can't or shouldn't--I take crap from females because of it, and that always puzzles me. *shrugs* I find it very liberating to be fiery and tough, to fight for the things I want, to protect and provide, to be in control, and to HULK SMASH obstacles. But, stereotypically speaking, that's a man's 'role'.
Stereotypically speaking, my "role" is to be emotional, nurturing/caregiving, sweet, supporting and like water. But, instead of water in my womb, I've been told there's too much fire. Would I give it up?
If I met someone that had the qualities that I want in a mate would I cease with the spittin' and swearin'? Would I allow myself to be protected rather than the protector(ess)? Would I want to accept his last name? Would I tap into the feminine power to give him what he needs from his woman?
Any fool would say 'yes.' And yet, I hesitate.
To be continued...
Friday, May 4, 2012
The Good Words
I worship the God of contrasting conjunctions, my religion is a long line of 'buts', 'yets', and 'evensos'. Anything else would have destroyed my Faith.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
You vs. Other People's Happiness
At the risk of being called just another "bitter, lonely, black woman" here goes something:
Over the last two years I've seen a slew of marriages, engagements, boo'd uppings, and happily unmarried shacking baby mamas and fajas [that was an Austin Powers: Goldmember reference]. When you're apart of an organization of thousands of women, or have a great deal of female friends, this type of thing comes with the territory as the 20's progress. I feel that we, by design, should be happy for our romantically successful sisters. What do I mean by 'design'? Well--it's my belief that whatever God(s) you subscribe to created us to be a family, and when something good happens to your family members, what do you do? You celebrate. If you're an atheist, well, evolution 'designed'(ha) us to want for the success of all humans. I got a C in science so I'm gonna leave that subject alone.
It's a beautiful thing to love and be loved...but what about the rest of us? What about those of us who turn over in our beds only to find that space empty? What about those of us bombarded with the "I love my hubby/boo/babydaddy" tweets, tags, etc? What about those of us who find comfort in Scripture and not the arms of a flesh and blood mate?
Can I have a moment to be completely human with you? Sometimes you want to be wrapped up in the arms of a man, and not in the Word. Sometimes the smell of a man is more attractive than that of the pages of a book. Gods make for strange bedfellows, don't you think? Blasphemy? I don't know. But God said, "it's not good for (WO)man to be alone. So what about us?
A suggestion of mine would be to be patient. Try your best to be patient. I know what you're thinking "F**k you, Lena. We've been told that before." You've been told to 'focus on you' etc. How does that help when so many others are in love around you and you go home by yourself? Perhaps that doesn't help at all. But, still, maybe you should try reminding yourself that it makes no sense to covet their happiness. Go out and seek your own. Being a bachelorette has taught me that other peoples happiness is just that. What the hell is Lena going to do with Boomquisha's happiness? Nothing.
Bachelorette life has held up an interesting mirror in front of me. Apparently it is NOT my life long ambition to be somebody's wife/mother. Yes, someday I want these things, but that is not what my heart is centered on. Being a wife and mother probably rocks super hard...but so does coming and going as you please. So does creating a life for you and just you while you have the opportunity. Goddess willing, when I do become a wife and mother and folk ask me what the hell I did before, I'll tell them that I: traveled around the Earth, chatted with holy men, walked up mountains, kissed a dude for every country in Scandanavia (the Norwegian was the best), marched for the Jena 6 and Trayvon, got a Master's and my dream job etc. That's a taste of what my happiness looks like--and I don't want yours. You looked beautiful in your wedding dress, but it's your wedding dress. Your child is beautiful, but that's your child. What's for me is for me.
Ask yourself, what does your happiness look like in the now? If it looks like a person other than the one in the mirror, perhaps you should reevaluate some things my fellow Bachelorettes.
The point of this starts at 1:30 seconds
Over the last two years I've seen a slew of marriages, engagements, boo'd uppings, and happily unmarried shacking baby mamas and fajas [that was an Austin Powers: Goldmember reference]. When you're apart of an organization of thousands of women, or have a great deal of female friends, this type of thing comes with the territory as the 20's progress. I feel that we, by design, should be happy for our romantically successful sisters. What do I mean by 'design'? Well--it's my belief that whatever God(s) you subscribe to created us to be a family, and when something good happens to your family members, what do you do? You celebrate. If you're an atheist, well, evolution 'designed'(ha) us to want for the success of all humans. I got a C in science so I'm gonna leave that subject alone.
It's a beautiful thing to love and be loved...but what about the rest of us? What about those of us who turn over in our beds only to find that space empty? What about those of us bombarded with the "I love my hubby/boo/babydaddy" tweets, tags, etc? What about those of us who find comfort in Scripture and not the arms of a flesh and blood mate?
Can I have a moment to be completely human with you? Sometimes you want to be wrapped up in the arms of a man, and not in the Word. Sometimes the smell of a man is more attractive than that of the pages of a book. Gods make for strange bedfellows, don't you think? Blasphemy? I don't know. But God said, "it's not good for (WO)man to be alone. So what about us?
A suggestion of mine would be to be patient. Try your best to be patient. I know what you're thinking "F**k you, Lena. We've been told that before." You've been told to 'focus on you' etc. How does that help when so many others are in love around you and you go home by yourself? Perhaps that doesn't help at all. But, still, maybe you should try reminding yourself that it makes no sense to covet their happiness. Go out and seek your own. Being a bachelorette has taught me that other peoples happiness is just that. What the hell is Lena going to do with Boomquisha's happiness? Nothing.
Bachelorette life has held up an interesting mirror in front of me. Apparently it is NOT my life long ambition to be somebody's wife/mother. Yes, someday I want these things, but that is not what my heart is centered on. Being a wife and mother probably rocks super hard...but so does coming and going as you please. So does creating a life for you and just you while you have the opportunity. Goddess willing, when I do become a wife and mother and folk ask me what the hell I did before, I'll tell them that I: traveled around the Earth, chatted with holy men, walked up mountains, kissed a dude for every country in Scandanavia (the Norwegian was the best), marched for the Jena 6 and Trayvon, got a Master's and my dream job etc. That's a taste of what my happiness looks like--and I don't want yours. You looked beautiful in your wedding dress, but it's your wedding dress. Your child is beautiful, but that's your child. What's for me is for me.
Ask yourself, what does your happiness look like in the now? If it looks like a person other than the one in the mirror, perhaps you should reevaluate some things my fellow Bachelorettes.
The point of this starts at 1:30 seconds
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