Insults for Black girls by Black boys: Woman Bad, Lady Better?

Just incase you didn't know, if you've got two X chromosomes and carry condoms in your purse or on your person--it means you're a whore. Clearly we of the gentler sex just can't catch a break. I don't need to get into the stats about HIV in our community, nor do I need to go on about unplanned pregnancy; what I do see is that it appears these obstacles are preferable to the idea of a black girl being smart about the one and only body she's going to have. "A Women carries condoms. A Lady doesn't. " The *cough cough* "logic" behind this nonsense is that XX shouldn't carry condoms because they should always know where they are getting sex from and that XY should take the lead when it comes to protecting themselves and their XX.

Some black boys think it's a bad idea that black girls choose to protect themselves. 
Some black boys think that being a "lady" is better than being a woman. 

Well, it seems to me that some black boys have a bone to pick with the Almighty, eh?

"Then the LORD made a woman..." NIV
"And the rib...he made a woman"

As far as I know,  it doesn't say "Lady" in any translation, and you can check em'. Clearly God thinks it's better to be a woman, otherwise, He would have done things differently. Thou shalt protect thyself. That is all.

I'm having some trouble seeing you.

Oh me and her?

We just talking...

We just kicking it...

The women/man I deal with...

I can't help but wonder what would happen if Black Women asked our men to be more transparent in their romantic interactions with us? One can't help but notice all the terminology that's often used when it comes to Black male/female couplings, yes, even we women use it too--I'd say that's something worth changing. At any rate, I wonder would happen if expressions like "we're just talking" transformed into something more...substantial?

Insults For Black Girls By Black Girls Part 2: Now We're Mad Because You're Not Dark

Ever since the news broke out back in 2012 that Afro-Latina actress Zoe Saldana would be playing Nina Simone in an upcoming biopic, Black women and our enthusiasts the world over have been in an uproar. In our view, light-skinned Zoe being selected to play the iconic "Black Classical Music" (Nina's words) singer, was just another case of Hollywood's white racist establishment asserting its dominance over our complexions and common sense. I have no problem confessing that I took issue with the idea of Zoe as Nina. It just wasn't right to me. Whenever someone asked me about it, my first complaint was that she's Dominican--what would she know of the Black American struggle? Plenty of American Blacks will tell you that Dominicans don't identify as Black, nor do they acknowledge their African roots, so in my mind I wondered what would make Zoe any different?

Then of course there was the (or what I thought to be) problem of her complexion. Zoe is roundabouts the same complexion as me, though I still contest that I'm not light-skinned, but that's neither here nor there. The fact is,  I didn't think that she was dark enough, and in many ways, "black enough" to play Nina. That was until I watched her pre-Oscar interview responding to criticism and b(l)acklash from "Sisters" like me.

"I'm doing it for my Sisters, and I'm doing it for my Brothers, and I don't care who tells me that I'm not this and I'm not that. I know who I am, and I know what Nina means to me... I did it all out of love. I did it out of Nina, out of love for my people, and who I am, and my pride of being a Black woman and a Latina woman and an American woman..."

We would all do well examine ourselves and our attitudes towards Blackness a little more carefully.
Who are we to say that Nina Simone, in all her greatness can only belong to certain type of Black women? As a matter of fact, in case you didn't know--Zoe was born in Jersey! So, like Nina, she's an American. Zoe also wholeheartedly acknowledges and takes pride in her Blackness, which is something far too many Black folk regardless of skin tone have difficulty doing in the first place; anyway, last time I checked, Nina loved her Blackness too. So why shouldn't a self loving Black woman play the role of another self loving Black woman?

It seems the answer and real reason for the controversy is that she's not "Black/dark enough." I had a discussion with one of my relatives whose perspective was something to the effect of: they [the Establishment] did not choose a dark complexioned actress, in order to cement in our minds the idea that Hershey kissed flesh with African features can never be beautiful. The sad fact is that regardless of their original goal, we find ourselves at odds with our Sisters once again--and for what? For an ideology that we did not create, but consistently perpetuate, and had no business accepting from jump. How can we have a true sisterhood with all Black women if we're too busy arguing over how Black this one is as opposed to another? What I can say for sure is that unless we can open our hearts and raise our consciousness regarding this, we might have lost yet another round to Ole' Massa and his partner in crime Willie Lynch. Let's check the sad score board and strive to do better. GO ZOE!

Ole' Massa      Black People
465                  150

Check out her response in its entirety here:


Zoe Saldana responds to Nina Simone biopic controversy

Tips for Loving Your Body

#thatawkwardmomentwhen

We look in the mirror and decide we are having a tough time liking that which looks back at us.We've all been there and back again and you know what I'm talking about. I'm talking about with our bodies. Yes, even me--especially me. There have been days when right before I hop in the shower, I want to fall to pieces because I'm not shaped like her, her, or that other lady. But when the hot water hits me (most times) my insecurities go right down the drain, along with the grit of a long day working in the District. When I have those days that not even the best shower works, I've noticed that it's good for me to reflect on all 5 ft and ___ lbs of me, and then go about doing things that remind of me why it's so good to be in the skin I'm in.

Of course, these are just my own personal ideas and you are free to reject them. No harm. No foul.

1. Start from the inside out:

Your body is the house that God lives in. If you don't believe in God, well, the process of evolution/natural selection took several billion years to 'fashion' that which would become you. That's some pretty cool stuff to reflect on. Everything was in exactly the right place and the right way when you came into being. You are made up of the stuff of the Universe.

2. Functionality:

Remember that your body works for you. What could be more beautiful than something that can 'make it do what it do'?

3.  On the outside:

Someone, somewhere--perhaps closer than you realize, will love your body and find you irresistible.

4. Treat it

Visit a massage parlor (I'm not kidding). Touch always makes you feel good. Skilled massage therapists, like the one I visit, can make you feel so relaxed; hot stones plus massage oils smooth away anxiety, fear, stress, and all those other nasty things that keep us from seeing ourselves as who we truly are. Or you can go out and get some food that you enjoy or haven't tried before.

5.  Work it

Wear clothes that accentuate what you have and make you feel like you are the most interesting and fun person in the world. Before you know it, you'll realize it was never the clothes at all.

6.  Realize that you can't please everyone; not even Beyonce (or JANET JACKSON) can do that. Just because most people think one way about you, doesn't mean that everyone else does.

7. Everything is transient--well not everything

The body is only a temporary vehicle for a soul that is perfect, immortal, and worthy of love.

Happy Valentines Day

Pleasures

Life is hard sometimes. Do you have a list of things that you enjoy? Here's mine:

1. Treating myself to dinner. Thai,  sushi, Indian are my favorites.
2. Chocolate custard!!!
3. Having my hair brushed. Disclaimer: paddle brushes are the BEES KNEES.
4. Purchasing/smelling/reading new books
5. Time with friends. We all need em'.
6. Travel.
7. Alone time.
8. Indi films at E Street cinema, mostly alone but companions are always good.
9. Church. Gotta reenergize and rejuvenate
10. BREAKFAST
11. Turkey bacon/sausage at any time of day
12. Surfing the net to find new stuff to like.
13. Listening to NPR. Michelle Norris, Farai Chideya, Audie Cornish, Garrison Keillor and Terry Gross have such attractive voices.
14. Buying new pencils and pens.
15. Journaling
16. Random Mother and Daughter texting
17. Deep convos with my Aunt
18 Having Awesome uncles
19. Daydreaming about owning a home.
20. Driving in my car.
21. Massages

10 Random Things I'd Like To Do

1. Have wine with cupcakes 2. Go skydiving 3. Take a wine tasting course 4. Take a cooking class 5. Take a water-coloring class 6. Join a foreign language meet-up group(French, Spanish, or German) 7. Join a meditation meet-up group 8. Visit Mount Kilamanjaro 9. Read a book by Rebecca Walker 10. Get a two hour hot stone massage

Django Unchained and Bullets In My Cynicism

Quentin Tarantino's latest [genius] cinematic endeavor Django Unchained left audiences, regardless of their ethnic background and racial politics, 'feeling some kind of way' as they exited the theater. Some movie goers (including Oprah) called it cathartic as they made their way through halls choked with folk who weren't studdin' no Bilbo Baggins, and could give less of a damn [no disrespect to Peter Jackson] about his Unexpected Journey. Picture if you can a United States where violence, sexual abuse, and enslavement of Black people was not only typical but essentially American. No, I'm not talking about right now, I'm talking about 1858.  Anyway, here you have the primary ingredients of a movie about slavery. But that is where all would be comparisons end, because as opposed to your typical slave flick, the victim-turned-freedman gets the 'get back' most disenfranchised people of color can only dream of.

Moving from cathartic, Django Unchained has been called racist and disrespectful due to it's gratuitous use of the N-word. Now let's be real--the movie takes place two years before the Civil War officially begins, and at the time there were no American words to describe people of African descent. We were neither Africans nor Americans, and we certainly were not human. We were property and that's what "living" property was called. For the sake of time, I'm going to write them off as haters. But there's more still to this film...

If you went to see Django Unchained and got little more out of it than the killing, and a chance to glimpse any uncomfortable shifting of White audience members you think might be closet racists or simply on a guilt trip, it could be that you've missed the point entirely. It's a love story. No, that's too simple.  Django Unchained is a well crafted (though Quentin might not have realized it) weapon against the train wrecked images that come to mind when you think of relationships between Black men and Black women. And yes, the media is in some ways apart of the problem, but we're too smart to blame it all on them. We can't even blame most of it on the media, so let's not go there.

You don't need to look far, or too hard for that matter, to see the less than desirable position we find ourselves in. Simply flip the channel to BET, turn on a movie, surf the web, watch YouTube videos,  and you'll see the wreckage. We live in a time in which it's cool to date our tri-joint smoking abusers and be "Unapologetic" about it, and where we happily straighten out "ratchet hoes" one upper cut at a time. The sad thing is that this is not even the tip of the iceberg's tip.

But there's hope. Jamie Foxx and Kerry Washington's characters give a glimpse of a very real and enduring love that need not slip through our fingers. The kind of love that makes you search for you family after chattel slavery has broken it apart on the auction block. Foxx transforms into our very own Black Siegfried and walks through hellfire for his Broomhilde-- and all because knew in his heart that she was worth it. Broomhilde [Kerry Washington] spared no expense giving back that love; she was even with him as he day-dreamed.  I suppose, somewhere along the way too many of us had forgotten that we worthy it? Well, thank God for reminders like Tarantino's. There's an authenticity to Foxx's tenderness towards Washington and, more importantly, a sense of duty and purpose [to love his woman] that hasn't been seen in mainstream cinema featuring Black main characters for a decade. That might even be generous of me. There was no room for Tyler Perry-esque cookie cutter "love",  no room for the guessing games in the Gangsta flicks. Django lifted my spirits and blasted rounds into my cynicism. The real question is what can we do to obtain that real and devoted love? I reckon we can start within. If that's too cryptic and leaves you completely lost, go see the movie.  Hopefully some part of you somewhere will say, "I wanna be loved just like that." I know I do.

Cheers